What do you avoid when you are trying to keep your heart out of sex?
I have heard that teens give blow jobs as the new “good night kiss” and partake in anal sex instead of vaginal intercourse. I have even heard that boys are telling girls they will still be a virgin if they participate in anal sex. Sex is sex. If there is penetration of an orifice, it is sex. I didn’t always consider oral sex as sex, but that was in the Bill Clinton days, before I was a sex educator.
I used to avoid intimacy, as well as commitment. My choice of “heart-guard” was avoiding eye contact, with my favorite position of the time- Reverse Cowgirl. I also typically wasn’t into kissing, foreplay, or sleepovers. I didn’t really care for kissing. Come to find out, I just didn’t like poor kissers. I didn’t realize I was creating avoidance until I was in the opposite roll.
Recently, I have had a couple of hot sexual encounters that brought to light how people may bypass intimacy. The adventures were usually passionate and rather quick, so there was little foreplay and kissing. It was just f*cking. Continuing to observe our encounters, I inquired about the absence of kissing. The boys admitted that kissing to them was more intimate than actual intercourse. And of course I called them out on not allowing themselves to experience intimacy, even though we had sex. I also noted that some men don’t french kiss, to avoid connection. Because our tongues probing each others’ mouths would be too loving?
Then I looked at my own feelings on the subject. Kissing is intimate, and being face to face is erotic. It is sensual but was it more intimate also? Is oral sex more intimate than vaginal sex? Perhaps these feelings come from “being seen”.
Looking back at some specific experiences, I do think that I felt more connected to the men who were sensual kissers. I don’t know if it was specifically that, but I do have fonder memories of those men.
What are your thoughts? Comment below.