I haven’t always been a Sex Goddess. In fact, for a long time, I probably wasn’t even good at sex. I have, however, always been interested in SEX, had a high sex drive and a sexual mind. For most of my adult life I either wasn’t having much, or much GOOD sex at least. So this is my journey of sexual discovery.
I know that for many women, like me, we don’t really come into our sexuality until later in life. I think as we age, we become more comfortable in our own skin, thus more sexual. I have even heard that women’s bodies don’t fully develop the ability to orgasm until 25. I think I may have been 24, when I was introduced to sex toys and began to explore my body, but I would have to look back to really figure that out.
What I do know is when I decided that I was really going to dig into my sexuality and do some things differently- and this was many years later. Like most things in my life, I don’t wait around for it- I take the bull by the horns, so to speak. I didn’t want to wait til I was in my 40’s to have the fulfilling sexual life that I desired.
You see, I had been the one night stand girl. Yep, there, I said it. I have never been the “relationship girl”. I really haven’t opened myself up for much of that. I have a laundry list of excuses of why.. yada yada yada. Yes, I have had a few long distance “relationships” but other than that, my sex came from getting drunk and hooking up. This tended to stem from my traveling days in my past life (26 horny, successful, good-looking twenty-somethings in a hotel for 2 weeks, working insane hours = a lot of drinking and hookups) In fact, for a long time, I hadn’t even had sober sex. I don’t regret things that I have done, as I look at them all as learning experiences. Plus, I must say, I did always get the hot ones!
After one drunken night at a strip club for my friend’s birthday, and waking up next to a guy (VERY HOT Police Officer), feeling guilty for putting myself at risk for who knows what, I decided I was going to change the way I did things. This was 2009.
At this point, I was 36, single, professional, and happy with my life- it was DRAMA-FREE- no kids, crazies, money problems. A little lonely at times, yes, but when I hear about other peoples’ issues, or even watch the news, I think I have a blessed life. I just was looking for a little more excitement, and some good, hot sex, if that came along.
One day when I on Craigslist, posting some furniture, I came across “Casual Encounters”. Come to find out, for those of you who haven’t visited or experienced this yet, it is a casual hook-up space, or maybe just a place where men can display pictures of their cocks. It is quite hysterical, to say the least, but then there’s no surprises. I started visiting the site quite often because it was entertaining… I guess just like porn, only just photos. I probably addictively looked at the postings for a couple of months before even thinking of answering one. I had read several articles when I was in NYC about Casual Encounters. It seemed that many a young professional women were doing it. I guess I’m not the only one out there with a crazy libido and no time to worry about the hassles of dating. What the hell, I thought- couldn’t end up any worse off than the many women who get killed by their husbands.
I began this journey as an experience to open up my sexuality more and to also use it as a project and experiment. This project became much larger than I expected and will someday become the book, “Confessions of a Sexinista”, which will be discreet personal stories and adventures. But for now, I will focus on my sexual discovery.
After several fun but discouraging Craiglist Encounters, I came across an interesting post about Tantric Massage. I found Tantric Sex intriguing, so why not massage. I read this guy’s website and testimonials, did some research on what to expect. I was ready to change my ways and open up to love. This was touted as a way to releasing sexual energies and opening you up to real love. I am expecting my vagina, g-spot and clitoris to be massaged, stimulating lots of “squirting”. I prefer the word “gushing”, releasing tension and past experiences from the chakra level. What I didn’t expect was the full sexual history questionnaire. If nothing else, the questionnaire will clear your head- and make you think a bit, especially the questions, “How many sexual partners have you had? How many have have been short term -seeing the person only 1-3 times?” It made me really think when all but a very few of them fall in the second category. Thus, never have really had that opportunity to experiment sexually after building trust with a person.
After, what I will say was the most exposing experience of my life, I did feel different- not so sexually charged or frustrated. It was kind of like being JACKED OFF for 3+ hours, but I didn’t feel anything sexual. I did not have an orgasm, but it was a very wet experience- a multiple towel and sheet soaking, ejaculating experience.
I now look back as this experience as the one that did in fact, open me up to more. It changed the way I looked at myself, my body, sex and pretty much life. It was cleansing and empowering. It was like taking control of myself. Body image issues that I had ALWAYS had, melted away. I felt sexy. And feeling sexy is a big step towards being good in bed… and becoming a Sex Goddess.
More to come…
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